Showing myself to the world

Today two of my images will be shown at one of the largest video billboards at Times Square in New York! It´s the community of See Me that arranges this every year, and two of my images was choosen to be displayed, to my great happiness.

One of the goals that I have for my art is for it to be shown to as many people as possible. Since my art is an investigation in the human soul and mind, I naturally want it to be seen by other people. I explore inner worlds- psychological struggles that we all have to deal with. Our inner world is just as real and important as the outer world. By visualizing these processes, that normally are invisible, sometimes even by ourselves, I hope to be wiser. Through art, we can get to know ourselves better. By showing my art to other people, telling them about the thoughts that I had while creating it, I hope that my image can work as some sort of mirror. What if the viewer starts to think about something within, by looking at my picture, and finds something undiscovered inside herself? That´s my goal and that´s why it feels so amazing to have my art shown at a public space like Times Square tonight!

In the art world, it´s not very correct to say: I wan´t everyone to see my pictures! It´s almost as if your art is slightly better if only a few people like it. If the "ordinary" people like it, then it can´t be very good, can it? It´s as if art is better if it´s harder to understand. Well, I don´t think like this, obviously. If I did, I wouldn´t be so active on the internet, would I? But I love spreading my art and sharing thoughts with all the wonderful people around the world. I love the fact that you don´t need to visit a specific gallery in a specific city in a specific country in order to see my pictures, you can see them anywhere in the world, as long as you have an internet connection! And there´s also an economic aspect to this, even if I wish that I didn´t need to think about that. But I want to support myself by creating art, and by displaying my art on the internet, I get more opportunities to sell it.

I am creating because it makes me fullfilled. I have always created. Ever since I was a child, I´ve been creative. But these last years, I´ve felt the need to show my creations. It´s no longer enough to create only for myself. I think that something amazing happens when you leave your art to the world, and let other people make it their own. That´s when the magic happens!

On Solitude

When I grew up I loved to sit in my room, play the piano, read, write, draw. Sometimes I played with friends. I had friends. But I didn´t have a strong need to be with them. I liked people. I liked my friends. And I loved myself. I could be with myself for a long time without missing friends. Two months during summer, my family spent time in our summer house in the country. I mostly spent time with family. I never missed friends. I had my brother. He was my friend. And I had myself. I was my own playmate, and I didn´t have a hard time coming up with things to do. As the years passed by, I started to get more and more involved in other peoples lives. I started to actually like the idea of friends, and I started to like being with friends more than I had before. As a young adult, I found some really great friends. During a couple of years, I spent a lot of time with them, going out in bars, meeting in cafés, even living together. But I noticed a difference between me and other people. When other people wanted to hang out the whole day, I was satisfied after two hours and wanted to go home. When other people said that they didn´t know what to do and wanted to hang out, I never fully understood this feeling. I´ve always needed much time alone. To charge my batteries. To think. To be creative. I always have something that I want to do. Something that demands my time and full focus. I never get restless.

When my phone rings, I feel stress. I have never liked the sound of a phone ringing. So often, I am focused on something that I´m doing at home, and I feel disturbed by the signal of my phone. If I´m outside, working or meeting someone, it´s much easier. It´s as if I can switch something to on and off. If my social switch is set to off, it can be hard to answer the phone. Many times I let it ring and hope that the person will send me a text message instead. If I´m in my social mode, it feels easy to answer the phone. Most often, I´m not in my social mode. This has led to conflict with some people who feel offended by my need to withdraw and charge my batteries alone.

For a long time, I felt that it was something wrong with me. Therefore, I tried very hard to be "correct". I answered my phone all the time, and I tried to be "a good friend". I was afraid that other people would be mad at me, angry at me for acting the "wrong" way and not being as a friend "should" be. This feeling is so sad, because to me a true friendship is built on love, and if you love someone you often try hard to understand each other. This is a big part of my personality. I can´t hide that I love spending time with myself, and I can´t help that I feel tired after meeting people and that I maybe want the rest of the week to be still and quiet.

When I found my true passion, I started to accept this side of my personality and understand it more. I realized that I´m drawn to a profession where I can work on my own, because that´s what I love to do. I´ve never been a fan of working in groups. I have never felt the need to have a job in order to belong to a group. When I found my passion, it became even more important to take the time to create. I could no longer hang out with friends as much as I had done. Now I needed the time to take photographs, edit them and post them to the internet. For some reason, it felt easier to explain to other people what I was doing since I found photography. Now I had a very clear reason for needing time alone- I needed to work on my photography. But everything is a balance. I still need my friends. I have always needed them. To me, it´s so easy to step into the inner world and the world of creativity and imagination, that I need to drag myself out of there, force myself to get out into the world and meet people. Solitude can turn into isolation,  at least if you´re similar to my personality. This is something that I struggle with. I´ve made many pictures about this: Serenade for solitude, and my whole series Finding Peace, in which I use a bubble to symbolize integrity and isolation.

We live in a society that wants us to be outgoing and active. I´m not socially awkward, I find it easy to talk to people. I love meeting people and hearing their stories! But I have a strong need to be still, get time to think and work on my own. Sometimes I´ve felt that I should spend more time with friends and less time in my own world. That I should arrange big dinners for ten people and have parties. But I know that I wouldn´t feel whole as a person if I didn´t listen to my inner voice that tells me to create. It´s so important to accept who you are, and the first step towards acceptance is by understanding who you are and how you work. It´s nothing wrong with needing time for yourself. Lately, I´ve also read several articles and books on this topic. If you´re interested in this topic, you should read the book "Quiet- The power of introverts" by Susan Cain. She talks about introverts and extroverts. Introverts gain power by being alone (as I do) and extroverts gain power by meeting other people. Introverts like best to meet one friend at  a time, talking about deep stuff (me!) and extroverts like more to hang out with lots of friends. Most people are a little bit of both, and so am I (I love parties!) but I found it extremely helpful to read about this stuff and to get a better understanding for myself.

I would love to hear your thoughts on this topic. Maybe you have a friend like me, or you are just like me? Write a comment and share what you think!